Gamesharked Chrono Cross: A Study in Excess
by Rhianwen
Summary: [Chapter 5 up!] Sometimes, we’re given restraints for a reason. Time spent improving and growing stronger naturally always has a value. Serge and his many friends learn this the hard way.
1. A Bad Start to a Worse Day

Gamesharked Chrono Cross: A Study In Excess

Summary: Sometimes, we're given restraints for a reason. Time spent improving and growing stronger naturally always has a value. Serge and his many friends learn this the hard way.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these many, many, many characters. They all belong to Squaresoft.

Chapter 1: A Bad Start to a Worse Day

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When Serge woke up that morning from a bizarre dream in which he had been running around a stone fortress with a beautiful blonde girl and a guy with an anvil on his head, been hit in the face by massive stone doors, and then somehow been standing over the body of the unconscious blonde, smiling slightly as drops of blood rolled down the end of his blade and fell to the ground, he knew that the day would be a strange one. 

The dream aside, this was because one does not often wake up in one's own private bedroom, surrounded by forty-three strangers, one's girlfriend, and the village pink talking dog.

   "Uh...hi, everyone," Serge greeted nervously, sliding slowly out of bed lest a quick, sudden movement warranted an attack. He definitely did not like the odds of one against forty-five.

   "Good morning, Serge," a man in a white suit, accented in gold glitter, and accompanied by a gold-and-white face mask replied smoothly from his perch at the window sill, where he was casually sipping a glass of wine and chatting with a pirate and a purple-haired woman with a very pointy nose, a lab coat, a pair of glasses, and a collection of needles that made Serge cringe inwardly.

   "Leena," he whispered, gripping the redheaded girl's arm tightly and steering her into what passed for an empty corner of the room. This was the corner occupied only by a seven-year old blonde cave-girl, a straw doll, a strange creature that might have been a flower if one had far too much imagination, and Poshul. "What the heck is going on?" Then he blinked. "And weren't we meeting at the dock this morning?"

   "Oh, no," Leena sighed, even though her eyes seemed to be glimmering with laughter. "How do we explain this to you without snapping your mind right away?"

   "Just start talking and I'll tell you if I need you to slow down," Serge replied a little testily, and feeling quite justified being so. After all, if Leena woke up with this many people in _her_ bedroom, she'd be a lot more than a _little_ peeved! He'd be surprised in any of them made it out without getting a frying pan to the head!

   "Okay," Leena agreed doubtfully. "But don't say I didn't warn you. The truth is, Leena _is_ waiting for you at the docks."

   "Right," Serge said sarcastically. "You're just a figment of my over-tired imagination, like all of these people. Hey, that would be a relief, actually..."

   "I'm afraid not, Serge," Leena giggled, exchanging a glance with the blonde girl from his dream, who had flopped down onto his bed the second he had vacated it, and was now having a wrestling match with the little cave-girl, a little blonde girl in a poufy sort of dress, and a tiny dragon. _My money's on the dragon,_ Serge thought briefly. Then he shook his head to clear it and glared at this infuriating girlfriend of his who seemed to be incapable of giving him any clear answers.

    "So, what you're saying is that there's two Leenas now," he said slowly.

Leena tilted her head to one side, considering this. Then she nodded cheerfully.

   "Yup!"

Serge blinked, then grinned. 

   "Cool!"

This caught the attention of the blonde clad (although just barely) in red. She sat up, pushed the children and dragon off of her, and glared at him.

   "I've read ahead in the script, mate," she informed him icily. "Yer gonna end up pinin' over ME!"

Serge considered this.

   "Yeah, well, that's then, this is now. And having two of his girlfriend around is something a guy only dreams about!"

   "Since when?!" Leena might have demanded in outrage. None of the other startled occupants of the room could hear this, though, since the words trailed off as Serge seized her by the wrist and bolted from the room. 

Forty-four people (and various other creatures) then watched from the window of the bedroom in decided consternation as Serge and Leena appeared on the docks, where another Leena was waiting impatiently. After a few words were exchanged, forty-four people (and various other creatures) then watched in even more consternation as the three scampered from the dock.

   "Where do you think they're going?" Glenn asked in honest confusion.

   "Let's not think about that," Karsh suggested bitterly. "Damn lucky kid..."

   "Yeah," Norris agreed, feeling as he did that there was something horribly, horribly wrong with the words. "She's awfully cute, isn't she? Both of her..."

   "I didn't mean that," Karsh began to protest, but then thought better of it, and simply trailed off into a round of grumbling, which only increased in annoyance when Orlha, who apparently didn't believe that he 'didn't mean that', brought her heel down on his toes with all the strength a very formidable gladiator could.

   "Never mind zat," Harle said through clenched teeth, for once in total agreement with Kid's annoyance. "What do we do until zey get back?"

   "I could perform a song for everyone!" the very, very pretty young man in leather pants and leather straps suggested eagerly.

   "No, Nikki," everyone else chorused flatly.

   "Hi, everyone! We're back!" the Leena that had not been at the dock called out as the young man and the two young women – or rather, the two manifestations of the same young woman – re-entered the small house an hour later.

   "Took ya long enough, pal!" Karsh laughed suggestively. "Guess ya had a good time, then. Looks like you're all in a good mood!"

   "Hey, who wouldn't be?" Serge laughed wickedly.

   "Mental images! They hurt! They hurt!" Orlha whimpered painfully.

Van nodded emphatically.

   "I'm too young to hear about things like this!" 

   "ME, TOO," Zoah added matter-of-factly.

   "I mean, the three of us made a LOT of money!" Serge was meanwhile continuing.

   "Please, don't tell us about it," the hitherto unnoticed Lynx requested from the shadows, causing widespread panic, and the mass exodus of forty-five people from the tiny bedroom. Lynx shrugged as the makeshift mosh pit gradually dwindled. "What?"

   "What's he doing here?!" Fargo exclaimed.

With one eyebrow raised, General Viper chuckled.

   "You might want to ask yourself what you're doing here."

Kid shook her head impatiently.

   "Stay on topic, mates! Whatever he's doin' here, Lynx is right," she told Serge darkly once the panic had subsided and the very, very large party had reassembled outside the house under the eyes of several watchful and very curious villagers. "We don't wanna hear about what perverted things you three were doin'."

   "Perverted?" Home World Leena repeated with a frown, readjusting the tee shirt with a giant 'H' drawn on it that some well-meaning soul had suggested she wear in order to allay some of the inevitable confusion until this whole mess was over. "What could possibly be perverted about trying to make a little extra money?"

Kid snorted in disbelief.

   "Nothin', if ya can do it without tappin' into yer exhibitionist urges!" 

   "Exhibitionist?" Another World Leena repeated with the same confusion as her Home World counterpart.

   "I just don't believe you, mate," Kid told Serge, shaking her head in disappointment and disgust.

   "Hey, leave Serge alone!" Home World Leena protested, jumping to the defense of her by-now-very-bewildered boyfriend. "Can you really blame him for wanting to have a little fun?"

   "A little..." Kid sputtered in disbelief. "And what about you? Doin'...things with yerself? That's like a really complicated sort of mas-"

   "THANK-you, Kid," Radius interjected. "Remember, if you will, that there are children present."

   "Hey, what does everyone think we were doing, anyway?" Serge asked, regaining his powers of speech finally.

Nikki cleared his throat delicately, and then whispered something in Serge's ear. Serge's eyes grew wide, horrified, and just a tiny bit curious. 

   "You think we were WHAT? C'mon, guys! Leena hit me with a frying pan when I kissed her last week!"

   "And why don't you tell them exactly where your hand was going at the time, Mr. Serge?" that same redhead suggested, glaring as viciously as she could at him as her cheeks grew red.

   "Uh...anyway, no, we were just having a little game with the villagers. We set up a booth, and for ten gold pieces, we gave them the chance to guess which Leena was the real Leena-"

   "As much as I don't care for that description," Another World Leena interjected slightly sulkily, only to be hushed by Macha. 

   "-and win great prizes!"

   "What prizes?" Kid asked suspiciously. "Ye'd better not've gambled away all our Key Items, mate."

Serge frowned, and scratched his head. He was not alone in this manifestation of confusion.

   "Key...what?"

   "Er, never mind," Kid said quickly.

   "No, we bought a bunch of Fireball elements. For some reason, we seemed to have a ton of gold! It was weird; every time I took some out of my pouch, there just seemed to be more than there was before!"

   "Then why were you trying to win more at the expense of the poor villagers?" Steena asked sternly, but hiding a smile.

Serge shrugged.

   "Just for kicks." 

   "Oh, by the way, Serge," the H-bearing Leena spoke up thoughtfully. "I know it might not be the best time, but are you still going to Lizard Rock to find me those Komodo Scales?"

   "You're not coming with me?"

She smiled sheepishly.

   "Well, I would, but I have to go baby-sit. As it is, that fisherman is going to wonder where I went off to. We told him I'd be back in a couple of minutes."

   "Oh...right," Serge agreed. "Sure, I'll find you some. I'll just go get my stuff, and do it now."

   "Great! When you're done, come meet me on Opassa Beah, okay?"

   "Sure," Serge nodded, darting back into the house. 

Kid watched him go with narrowed eyes.

   "Oi!" she called to the rest of the group once he was out of earshot. "We gonna let 'im take off like that?"

-------------------------------------

Meanwhile, in his bedroom, Serge was staring in bewilderment at the place where he was certain his trusty old Sea Swallow had been propped up just last night. 

   "What in the hell is THIS?" he demanded of no one in particular, examining the massive, intricately designed, and very deadly looking new oar leaning against his wall.

He shook his head.

   "Mom?" he called out the door.

   "Yes, Serge, dear?" Marge called back.

   "Did you take my oar during the night and replace it with a way, way, way better one?"

Marge's laughter drifted through the door.

   "Serge, you weird boy! Why would I do something like that?"

   "Uh...right. Never mind, mom. Oh, well," he continued to himself. "I guess it would be stupid to complain about this. What could be so bad about getting a way better weapon out of nowhere?"

He reached for the handle of the oar and picked it up. Or tried to, at any rate.

   "Geez," Serge grunted, trying to lift. "This thing's heavy!"

With one mighty heave, he got the oar up off the ground, and held it triumphantly above his head.

And then he began to tip.

   "WAAAH!" he howled as he fell backwards to the ground under the weight of the Mastermune. 

Wriggling out from beneath the weapon where it fell on top of him, Serge stood up dizzily, rubbing his sore head.

   "Why do I get the feeling this day can only get weirder?" he whimpered.

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End Notes: Okay; now, I'm sure you can already tell, but my intent here is to write an insanely silly story. It starts out ridiculous, and will not gain seriousness any time in the future. At this point, it feels a little incoherent, but that may be just as much a result of the material as of my writing. Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed it so far.

Tune in next instalment to see forty-five people (and other various creatures) hunt Komodo Dragons! A doomed mission from the start? You, the reader, decide!


	2. Be Vewy Vewy Quiet

Chapter 2: Be Vewy, Vewy Quiet

   "Okay, guys, I really don't understand why you all have to come with me," Serge called over his shoulder, trying to appeal to all these weird people one last time as the mob trooped from Arni Village toward Lizard Rock.

   "It's not fair, only letting Poshul come along," Marcy pouted. "And anyway, why are you letting that girl boss you around?"

   "Hey, I said yesterday I'd find those Komodo Scales for her," Serge replied. "I offered. And if she jumped on the offer right away, well, Leena's enthusiastic when she hears an idea she likes. What's wrong with that? And breaking a promise would just make me a bad boyfriend, wouldn't it?"

   "I still think she's a bossy cow, and I hate her," Marcy said airily. "Almost as much as I hate you, Serge."

   "Oh, thanks a lot, Marcy," Leena huffed.

Serge looked nearly as miffed.

   "Darn. I forgot the other one was here," the little girl grinned. "Sorry, Leena."

   "What makes you think I'm so bossy, anyway?" Leena asked, a little hurt. "We've just met!"

   "W-well," Marcy began hesitantly, "I was looking around on the Internet. All the girls in Serge's online fan-club told me you were."

Serge scratched his head as, a few steps behind them, Kid brandished her daggers menacingly.

   "I have a fan-club?" he asked, perplexed.

   "Oui, mon Serge," Harle purred, floating closer to him and holding a button out for his inspection. 

Serge exclaimed in horror at the picture of him giving a thumbs-up, complete with cheesy grin, that decorated the front.

   "I look like a moron!"

   "Well! It would seem that twelve-year old girls the world round disagree," Leena giggled.

   "Yeah," Marcy agreed. "One girl told me that she sleeps with her button under her pillow."

   "Zat seemz dangerous," Harle noted, examining the pin sticking out of the back.  

   "Oh, forget it," Serge said, glaring at the unoffending button. "We're at Lizard Rock, and I really think that some of you should turn back."

   "Why?" Norris asked, quite puzzled.

Serge sighed.

   "Have you ever hunted Komodo dragons, Norris?"

   "I don't believe I have. Why?"

   "Do you know what happens when you make too much noise?"

   "Other people get mad," Nikki suggested immediately.

   "With the dragons, Nikki. With the – I asked Norris, anyway! You stay out of this!"

   "I never get to talk," Nikki pouted. Miki took his hand consolingly.

   "Anyway," Serge began once again, quite exasperated. "Norris, do you know what happens when you make too much noise while hunting Komodos?"

   "No..."

   "They run away."

   "So I can imagine. But we'll be quiet."

   "Yeah," Karsh agreed. "And won't it be easier with all of us? We'll surround the little bastard and jump on it!"

   "I don't like that gleam in his eye," Riddel murmured to Janice, who was munching happily away on a carrot, as Serge wailed in exasperation,

   "You'll ruin the scales!"

   "Alright, alright," Kid spoke up, waving for everyone else to be quiet. "I don't know if I approve o' you goin' outta yer way to get a necklace for some girl, Serge-"

   "Hey!" Leena exclaimed.

   "-but we probably have to do it, or we'll be stuck here forever! So, here's what we do: we split up into four groups. The first group takes a dragon, the second group takes a dragon, and the third group takes a dragon."

   "What does the fourth group do?" Guile asked mildly.

Kid glared at him.

   "The fourth group stays the hell outta our way! Hey, why don't ya head up the fourth group, Guile?"

   "No, thank-you," the young man said with a smile. "I believe there is somewhere in Arni where a person can get a drink." He turned to Steena. "Would you like to join me?"

   "Well," she began slowly, "there is the rule about shrine maidens abstaining from alcohol if they can."

   "Ice cream?"

   "Deal."

And with the first lapse of characterization...this sentence...the two started back to the village.

   "Ice cream?!" Marcy was meanwhile exclaiming. "No fair! Come on, Van! Come on, Mel! Come on, Leah! We're going with them to demand our share of the ice cream!"

   "A LITTLE GIRL, DESPITE HER GREAT SKILL," Zoah would have mused with quiet fondness, had he been anyone else other than Zoah…and perhaps Fujin, who is beside the point, as she does not exist in this universe, but is off cuddling with Seifer somewhere in her own universe. 

   "I'm all for it," Serge shrugged. "In fact, don't the rest of you think that an ice cream would taste really good right about now?"

   "You know, Serge, dude," Doc started, frowning suspiciously, "I get the feeling that you're trying to get rid of us."

   "Good deduction, Doc!" Serge exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air in exasperation and ducking to the side as the Mastermune, which had come free in the air, came back down with a crash. "I've only been saying that for the fifteen minutes!"  
   "You should really try to relax, Serge, dude," Doc said wisely. "You should've gone with the kids to get some ice cream. Hunting Komodo Dragons might be a little too much for you."

   "Y'know, this might really surprise you," Serge began through gritted teeth, "but the dragons aren't really the problem here."

   "Hey, dude, I can tell when I'm not wanted," Doc said as angrily as his groovy self could.

Serge sighed, nearly regretting his harsh words as he waited for Doc's tearful exit. Not the manliest of men, was this Doc fellow...

The insanely well-equipped blue-haired young man frowned, as, after several minutes, Doc hadn't started back to the village.

   "Uh...weren't you leaving?" he ventured slowly. 

Doc grinned at him.

   "Nope. I said I knew when I wasn't wanted, dude. I didn't say I'd oblige."

   "Ugh," Serge groaned painfully.

   "CHA," Orcha, Macha, and Korcha added helpfully.

   "What?!"

   "Quota," Orcha told him wisely.

   "Oi!" Kid exclaimed, feeling that she had been sadly neglected in the conversation, as much fun as it had been seeing Serge growing that angry shade of red. "Weren't we decidin' on a plan?"

   "Yeah!" Serge agreed enthusiastically. "And didn't it involve at least a quarter of you BUGGERING OFF?!"

   "Enough of us're gone that we don't hafta do that anymore, mate," Kid told him kindly.

   "Oh," he said thoughtfully. 

A pause. 

Then... 

   "Can we do it anyway?"

   "I'll split us up into three groups," Kid was meanwhile continuing, wisely ignoring Serge, who seemed rather inclined to whine today, for reasons perhaps not entirely his fault.

   "Don't put me with him," Pip requested, glancing nervously at Lynx and reflecting even more nervously that he looked hungry.

   "And don't put me with you," Lynx added, eyeing Kid with veiled nervousness. "For your own safety, of course," he added hurriedly. After all, it would never do for everyone here to know that he, among the strongest and most fearsome creatures in the land, worried for his safety when left alone with a scrawny thing like that. Still, he didn't like the gleam in her eye, and he was well aware with the hidden, very unnatural strength of a woman scorned. Or otherwise pissed off.

   "Okay. I'll keep that in mind," Kid agreed impatiently. "Now-"

   "And don'tCHA put me with her," Korcha requested, inching away from Luccia, who was admiring her very shiny, rather rainbowey-looking needle. "I had all my shots."

   "Fine," Kid said even more impatiently. "First, we'll-"

   "Keep in mind zat I wish to be with Monsieur Serge, you scruffy little dog of a female," Harle said, arms crossed, eyeing the blonde coldly.

   "Hold yer seahorses!" Kid exclaimed, wheeling furiously on Harle as her words sank in.

   "Hold your...seahorses?" Leena repeated, scratching her head. "That doesn't make a lot of sense."

   "Leena, you ought to be more tolerant of other people's catchphrases," Glenn said seriously.

   "But...seahorses?"

   "Alright! That's it! Everyone shut up before I kick yer sorry arses so far you kiss the moons!" Kid shouted, quite at the end of her tether. Her anger had little effect on the group that continued milling around the entrance of Lizard Rock.

   "You really need some new catchphrases," Leena told her seriously.

   "Okay," Kid began sweetly. "How's this one: SHUT UP!"

   "Effective," Leena replied, holding her hands over her ears, her expression pained.

   "Thanks," Kid grinned. "Now hold still while I number you into three groups. Group 1 will go with Serge, Group 2 will go with me, and Group 3 will go with-"

    "Hey, hold on," Serge protested, quite hurt. "I thought I was in charge!  Who said you could make all the decisions?"

   "You weren't doin' anything, mate," Kid reminded him, crossing her arms and quirking an eyebrow at him.

   "Well, now I'm ready, so I'm in charge again."

   "Fine," Kid agreed mildly. "You divide us up."

   "Okay!" Serge beamed. "I'll number you into three groups. Group 1 will go with me, Group 2 will go with Kid-"

   "This is sounding familiar," Lynx commented dryly.

   "I thought so, too," General Viper agreed, hiding a smile.

   "Hey, can I finish, please?" Serge requested, annoyed.

   "Sure thing, mate, I wanna see if yer better at this 'leader' thing that I am," Kid said, watching him intently.

   "I'll show you," Serge said, mock-glaring at her. "Group 3 will go with…uh…with…with Poshul!"

Thirty-eight people blinked in simultaneous surprise and faint dismay.

   "Poshul?" 

   "Why not?" Serge demanded with a shrug.

   "I agree, Thergiepoo," Poshul added, rather hurt. "I can lead a group ath well ath anyone elthe." 

   "Why do I have a terrible feeling about where this is going?" Norris wondered aloud.

Serge glared at him.

   "Never mind that! Let's just get going, okay?"

   "Yeah," Orlha agreed. "I guess four pages is long enough to stand around, deciding what to do."

   "With a group this big, I'd say four pages is pretty damn good," Karsh said.

   "I believe the fourth vall has been rather badly shattered by this point," Luccia pointed out idly.

   "If ye consider our situation, lass, it's not such a big deal," Fargo said with a chuckle.

   "...Lass?"

------------------------------------------

Twenty minutes later, minutes that were almost the death of Serge, who was not nearly as good at taking control as he was used to thinking he was, that same young man stalked angrily through Lizard Rock, scanning the caves and nooks for the gleam of the scales of the elusive Komodo Dragon.

   "Serge," Doc called from several feet behind him. "Wait up, dude!"

   "I'd rather not," Serge called back through gritted teeth.

   "Dude, I know you're mad," Doc said apologetically as he jogged up to the younger man. 

   "Of course he's mad," Leena giggled. "He had a Komodo, and you jumped on him and pummelled him until he let it go!"

   "I didn't think it was a fair fate for such a playful, innocent, light-hearted creature to be turned into a necklace so young! Is this to be his youth? Hanging around the neck of a young woman, squeezed for the rest of his existence between her – wow, dude. That doesn't sound so bad!"

   "So, does that mean you'll stay out of my way until I catch it again?" Serge asked hopefully.

   "Sure, dude," Doc agreed with a shrug. "I'd kind of like to take a closer look at some of the plant life around here."

   "I vill come vith you," Luccia announced. "I doubt that I vill learn anything new, but perhaps I can teach you a thing or two."

   "DOES THAT MEAN THAT DOC IS GOING TO GET LUCKY?" Zoah wondered as they ambled off to a rock to study a random water sample, or whatever it is smart people do – I wouldn't know.

   "Hey, why don't you say that a little louder?" Serge suggested sarcastically. "I think there's a guy in the village who didn't hear you!"

   "Did I just hear somethin' about Doc gettin' lucky?" Kid demanded, approaching from the upper left-hand area of Lizard Rock.

   "How on earth did he manage that?" Orlha wondered with a fond smile as she followed. "I guess miracles do happen."

   "Hey, hold on," Serge said suspiciously. "Where's the rest of your group?"

   "Playin' hackey-sack," Kid sighed, shaking her head. "Nikki had one with him."

   "Uh…right. Anyway, did you get my Komodo?" Serge asked the blonde girl eagerly.

Rolling her eyes, she held out the shiny object.

   "All right! Two more!" Serge exclaimed jubilantly.

   "Well, then get to it," Kid urged, arms crossed, foot tapping in great irritation.

   "Fine," Serge grumbled. "Hear that, everyone? Let's corner one of those little bastards and take its scales by force…and laugh!"

   "Hey; think he's getting a little too into this?" Karsh murmured to Orlha. 

   "Just a little," Orlha would doubtlessly have replied, had there been anyone to reply it to. However, by the time she got her mouth open, Karsh was gone.

Glancing around confusedly, she then sighed and shook her head at the sight of the axe-wielding Deva scurrying over the rocks after the little creature, giggling maniacally and brandishing the aforementioned axe above his head.

   "Get back here, ya slimy bastard!" he bellowed. 

Needless to say, the Komodo Dragon seemed to feel no pressing urge to comply.

   "Good job, Karsh!" Serge called to his friend, turning briefly from where he was chatting animatedly with Leena. "Keep on its trail!"

   "I don't think so, mate," Kid said through gritted teeth, seizing Serge by the arm and steering him over to where Karsh was now yelling at a small pond in the rock, presumably one that the Komodo had just jumped into.

   "Hey, dude, will you calm down?" Doc implored from the other side of the pond.

   "You vill scare avay all the creepy-crawlies in the vater," Luccia added, peering sternly over her glasses at him.

   "Yeah, Karsh," Serge agreed. "And yelling at the Komodo won't make it come out any sooner."

Karsh eyed Serge sceptically.

   "Then whaddaya you suggest, kid?" 

   "Well, first, get away from the edge of the water!" Serge said exasperatedly, tugging Karsh along with him.

Karsh nodded.

   "Now what?"

   "Act like you're not paying attention. And whatever you do, _don't_ jump at it the second it comes out of the water!"

   "Sure," Karsh agreed. "Don't attack it the second it comes out of the water. Under no circumstances, do we attack the second that dragon comes out of the water. Got it."

   "Why do I think that's a miracle too good to last?" Serge wondered, rubbing his forehead wearily.

He was to find out in short order, when he glanced up a second later to find Karsh gone.

Peering about him in confusion, he flopped forward in dismay, a sweatdrop suspended at the side of his head, at the sight of Karsh flying through the air at the Komodo Dragon who had just taken its first shaky steps from the water.

With a frightened yelp, the little creature darted back into the water, but Kid, who, as she always said, was more than just a pretty face, had thought quickly enough to get between the dragon and the water. Unfortunately, no one else seemed to be thinking quickly enough to get between the dragon and its other route of escape.

   "Ach! What're ye doin' b'y?" Zappa bellowed at Karsh from the edge of a pond where he had spied something shiny and immediately supposed it to be some of the elusive Rainbow Shell.

   "Oh, right," Karsh laughed sheepishly. "DON'T attack the second it comes out of the water! Don't! Got it."

Serge glared at the older man, and would have unleashed as vicious a tirade as he could manage, had a high-pitched scream of fright not interrupted him. As one, Serge, Leena, Kid, Zappa, Karsh, and Glenn, who had hitherto felt that the scene had neglected him most unforgivably, bolted in the direction of the scream.

The scene that awaited them was a curious one. Apparently, Miki's wispy sleeve thingies were enough for the Komodo that she had charmed into coming her way, to get irreversibly tangled in. When Norris, General Viper, and Korcha had decided to use this to their advantage, the much-sought-after creature had realized that his life would end soon, and bolted. Unfortunately, this had given Miki no time to disentangle herself, and thus she was dragged along after the dragon, bouncing painfully over the rocks. Brute physical strength had never been Miki's specialty...

   "Oh, brother," Serge muttered, dropping his head to his hand.

   "I'll save you, Miki!" Nikki assured her, leaping forward, gallant as ever had been fairy-tale hero.

Unfortunately, playing his guitar in the direction of the dragon had proved rather ineffective, save to make the dragon veer even more crazily about the rocks.

   "You know, you can all feel perfectly free to jump in whenever you want," Miki called, the sound growing curiously louder and quieter in turn as she was dragged past the startled group. 

Finally, at least one member of the group was able to overcome their surprise, and the next instant, the Komodo fell to the ground, unconscious, with Macha's frying pan resting over its head.

   "Hey! We have a scale now!" Serge exclaimed jubilantly, bouncing over and retrieving the shiny object.

   "Ow..." Miki said weakly, flopping to the ground exhaustedly.

---------------------------------------

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End Notes: [Pout] Well, that didn't go quite like I had planned...I had something much more chaotic in mind. Ah, well. There'll be plenty of time for unbridled chaos later on. We're only at Lizard Rock, after all. Geez...at this rate, this story'll be...really durned long, anyway.


	3. Why is Nothing Ever Easy?

Chapter 3 – An Unforeseen Setback

Poshul, Pip, Neo Fio, Turnip, Starkey, Mojo, Irenes, Sprigg, Razzly, Janice, Harle, Lynx, and Draggy were not happy. Indeed, as the thirteen gathered together around a little pond at the south westernmost corner of Lizard Rock, they would not have hesitated to tell whoever might ask that they were the exact literal opposite of happy, and certainly would not have hesitated to tell you why. This is rather odd, as Pierre, who had been sent with them, did ask why several times, but was merely met with the order to shut up, or a fearsome glare from Lynx, which was much more effective. Even the bravest of souls might quail when facing down and angry Lynx, and Pierre was far from the bravest of souls. 

Thus it was that Pierre sat balanced precariously on the very edge of the rock overlooking the pond and listened silently as the rest of the group that Serge had sent him with to search for one of the Komodo Dragon scales, nursed their grievances loudly and without sugar-coating. 

   "It iz just not fair," Harle exclaimed. "Just because we were born non-humanz, why must we be always segregated like zis? It iz no less than prejudice of ze most shameful kind!"

   "Testify, sister!" Draggy chirped adorably, his wings beating the air frantically. At approximately two-and-a-half weeks old, it is doubtful whether Draggy actually understood what it was that Harle was getting so worked up about, but with all these people gathered together, all talking at once, even singing songs occasionally, it all smacked of party-time to the tiny dragon, and he was darned if he was going to be left out, simply because he didn't entirely grasp the situation!

   "It haz been happening throughout history," Harle continued after shooting Draggy a quick, fond smile. So young and innocent…so unknowing of the harsh ways of reality… "Marbule! Ze S.S. Zelbess and their atrocious treatment of our kind!"

   "Excuse me, Harle," Janice spoke up, frowning slightly, "but from my days on the Zelbess, I don't think I remember seeing any CLOWNS in slavery."

   "I am not a clown!" Harle said, quite offended. "I am a harlequin! Zere iz a world of difference!" 

   "Fine, then. I don't remember seeing any HARLEQUINS in slavery."

   "Zat iz not ze point," Harle informed her haughtily. "Ze point iz zat zese humanz cannot keep on shoving us to ze side as though we don't exzist."

   "Today is a perfect example," Lynx continued, standing up beside her. "Isn't it just a little too convenient, the way all the non-humans were sent with this one group?"

   "Excuse moi, Monsieur Lynx," Pierre spoke up, admiring his reflection in the water, practising his suave smile and almost giggling in delight at the dazzling whiteness of his teeth, "but how would you explain moi's being sent with this group, then? Aside, naturally, from the fact that each group needs a dashing hero. I wonder how the other groups are doing, without moi…"

Lynx gritted his many, very sharp teeth. 

   "And that's another thing! As if they weren't giving us the shaft enough by segregating us like this, they send Pierre with us!"

   "I'm sure Monsieur Serge is well aware of your gratitude," Pierre laughed in the most refined and aggravating manner possible. 

   "Exactly what I was saying," Lynx growled sarcastically, wondering not for the first time if killing a playable character was considered a punishable offence. After all, if Sephiroth could do it, why on earth couldn't he, Lynx, do it? Certainly, he had a world more reason than Sephiroth had…

Fortunately for everyone who might have wanted Pierre alive for any reason, it was at this moment that Serge and the rest of the very, very large party effectively prevented Lynx from committing murder by happening onto the scene.

   "Hey, guys," the young man began cheerfully before trailing off, eyes narrowing suspiciously. "What are you doing, anyway? You're supposed to be looking for a Komodo Dragon!"

   "We've got yer damn scale," Sprigg informed him sourly, thrusting the small object at him so suddenly that it nearly met an ignominious end by falling to the ground and shattering.

Serge watched, blinking in confusion as Sprigg walked off in a huff, followed by thirteen other people and various other creatures, twelve sporting similar huffs, and Pierre still beamingly missing the point.

He turned to the crowd surrounding him.

   "Uh…what the heck happened?"

No one, it seemed, could enlighten him.

--------------------------------------

   "Finally! We're finished!" Serge sighed as he stalked from Lizard Rock to Opassa Beach, the three perfect, shining Komodo Scales clutched tightly – but not too tightly lest they shatter – in his hand. "Leena had better really appreciate these."

   "Were you talking to me, Serge?" Leena called from several paces behind him, where she was engaged in deep conversation with Orlha and with Miki, who had been very grateful for Doc's services following her run-in with a Komodo Dragon scared senseless. Pierre had also been equally grateful for Doc's skills following a rather nasty incident in which he learned that there were just certain times that it wasn't safe to talk to Lynx: most of them.

   "Not you; the other Leena," Serge replied through gritted teeth. After all, he didn't want to get mad at this girl. He had his own Leena mad at him often enough, and making this other one mad at him just seemed like bad karma…or something. Maybe he should have bothered getting to bed last night rather than this morning...

   "Oh; okay!" Leena chirped. 

   "So, should we all wait outside while you go in?" Glenn asked as they reached the beach.

   "Please!" Serge exclaimed immediately. Then he frowned. "Hmm…on second thought, if you wait outside, you might miss something really important, although I have no idea what it might be."

   "We won't get to see ya get lucky with yer little girlfriend," Karsh laughed.

Riddell blinked.

   "Somehow, I don't really mind that..."

   "Me, neither," Leena agreed with a shiver. "It seems like that would just be a little creepy."

   "Just think how it would be for the other one!" Nikki pointed out solemnly, but with dancing eyes. "All those people watching her…"

The rest of the group, save for Serge, Kid, Harle, Leena, and Riddel, who was really far too much of a lady to be hearing about such things, laughed. Serge, Kid, and Harle glared so icily at Nikki that he declared when telling of it afterwards that his mascara had nearly frozen solid. Leena merely blushed brightly and hid her face in her apron.

   "Forget it, okay, guys?" Serge pleaded with the still-snickering group. "Let's just go to the beach, okay?"

   "It occurs to me at this point that ve are missing Guile and Steena, as vell as all of the children," Luccia noted, glancing around.

   "They can catch up," Serge said inexorably, not turning.

   "Vell…okay," Luccia agreed dubiously.

Together, the very large group entered the beach and settled themselves on the sand to wait for the other Leena.

Serge bounced his heel impatiently against the sand.

Someone began to whistle a jaunty tune.

Lynx waved his weapon menacingly.

Someone stopped whistling their jaunty tune.

Serge stood up with an exasperated noise.

   "So, where the heck is Leena?"

   "What? I'm right here," the redhead called from a few feet away.

   "Ergh..." Serge erghed, gritting his teeth. "Not you. The other Leena."

   "Oh," she giggled sheepishly. "Right."

The very large group continued to wait in silence for several more minutes, before the silence was broken by a not-at-all concealed snicker. 

Everyone looked up sharply at its source.

   "Kid?" Serge pressed. "What's so funny?"

   "Nothin'," she assured him, grinning hugely.

   "Kid," Serge repeated, a trace of menace creeping into his tone. "What's so funny?"

   "Nothin'," she repeated, her grin widening.

   "Kid! What's so funny?" Serge demanded, beginning to froth ever so slightly at the mouth.

   "Aw, fine, I'll tell ya," Kid grumbled. "Y'know how Miki caught one of those Komodos and got the scale for ya, and I got another one?"

   "Well, as I remember, Macha hit it in the head with a frying pan and I took the scale itself," Serge said thoughtfully.

   "Try to stay with me, eh, mate?" Kid requested dryly. "Point is, ya didn't get all three yerself, right?"

   "Uh...does that matter?" Serge asked, his mouth going dry over this new possibility of just one more way things could go wrong.

   "Far as I can tell, that's why yer sheila's not comin'," Kid told him indifferently. "Ya didn't get the scales all yerself, which ya hafta do to trigger a plot point."

   "A plot point?" Doc repeated, scratching his head.

Luccia looked quite intrigued.

   "Tell me more about this, how do you say, 'plot point,'" she requested, putting a hand to her chin thoughtfully.

   "I just mean," Kid said impatiently, "that nothin's gonna happen until Serge gets off his lazy arse and gets all three of those Komodo Scales himself."

   "But...but...but we've already killed all the Komodo Dragons in the area!" Serge wailed miserably.

   "Great," Karsh grumbled. Then he blinked. "There were only three Komodo Dragons in all of Lizard Rock? Seems kinda funny to me…"

   "You did not catch all the dragons in the area," Irenes spoke up from further out on the shore, where she was attempting to take the edge off her water withdrawal by letting the waves crash over her. "When I was swimming earlier, I saw several more."

Fargo frowned.

   "There's somethin' different about the way yer talkin', lass."

   "Yeah, Auntie Irenes," Nikki agreed. "You're missing your umlauts."

Mysteriously, Irenes' fist connected with the top of Nikki's head, despite the several yards of distance between the two.

   "Just call me Irenes," she suggested, a cigarette hanging out of the corner of her mouth for some reason, only to disappear the next second as Serge, hope flickering back into his face, bounded over the sand towards her.

   "Are you serious?!" he exclaimed, ignoring Nikki's groan of pain as he lay twitching in the sand. "There are more Komodos?"

   "Of course," she replied with a shrug. "There are hundreds." 

   "Great!" Glenn said enthusiastically, bounding to his feet. "Let's go catch one!"

Serge's face fell.

   "Oh. Right. I forgot about that part."

Kid turned her face imploringly to the skies.

   "WHY MY?!" she shouted.

----------------------------------------------------

Still, despite the hardship and glaring annoyance of the situation, at long last Serge managed to catch the three necessary scales himself. As he, Glenn, and Leena hummed a very jaunty song of victory as the Komodo collapsed to the ground and vanished, leaving only its scale, it seemed as though the plot could finally progress.

Not quite, though.

Just as the three turned to leave, pausing first to pick up the scale, the ground began to rumble faintly, and the shriek of something that sounded very large and very, very angry, echoed through the air.

Serge looked at Leena. 

Leena looked at Glenn. 

Glenn looked adoringly at his sword. 

Leena gave Glenn a gentle knock on the head with her frying pan to get her attention.

Glen rubbed his head and pouted.

Serge gritted his teeth.

The Mother Komodo, who had shown up just in time to see a third offspring fall, waited impatiently for the group to notice her.

   "Uh, guys?" Leena whispered to the two young men.

   "Yeah?" Serge asked slowly, not altogether liking the feeling that he was being watched. By something other than the thirty-five or so humans and other creatures currently staring at him from the sidelines of the battle area that seemed to have come out of nowhere. He was pretty sure it had been all narrow paths and ponds before; where had this convenient expanse of flat land come from?

   "Do you think that's a bad sign?" Leena asked.

Serge turned to look.

Glenn turned to look.

Serge turned to Glenn. 

Glenn, learning a lesson from Leena's frying pan, turned to Serge.

Both turned to Leena.

   "Yes," they said in unison.

   "Oh! Okay," she chirped. "Just asking."

-------------------------------------------------

[Note: Due to budget problems stemming from the expense of catering and costume for the entire cast, this battle scene has been deleted. Rest assured, though, that it was really cool, with blood and guts and everything.]

-------------------------------------------------

   "Wow!" Serge exclaimed as the group headed, once again, for Opassa Beach. "That was really cool!"

   "Yeah," Glenn agreed enthusiastically. "It had blood and guts and everything!"

   "Boys," Leena sighed, smiling fondly at Glenn, who blushed slightly.

   "Let's just get to the beach, okay?" Kid suggested edgily. 

-------------------------------------------------

   "Here we are on the beach," Serge announced cheerfully fifteen minutes later when the entire group had gotten themselves settled on the sand. 

   "We noticed, mate," Kid told him through gritted teeth. "The sand and salt water kinda helped with that."

   "Serge? Are you…here?" 

The newcomer's voice trailed off, bewilderedly, as she took in the crowd waiting on the shore.

   "Oh! Hey, Leena," Serge greeted, leaping to his feet. 

   "Hi, me!" the other Leena called with a giggle, waving.

   "Um…hi, Serge. And…uh…hi, me. I hope you – all of you – haven't been waiting too long."

At this point, Poshul pushed forward from the crowd, who had turned to closely watch this meeting between young lovers. 

   "Are Sergie and Leena on a date? Me think we all should reave!"

   "Don't be silly, Poshul," Leena said severely. "We're fine. So…"

   "So…" Serge echoed, frowning over his shoulder at the thirty-five people and others watching in fascination.

   "Just ignore us," Lynx called. "Talk as you would normally."

   "Well, maybe not _exactly_ as you would normally," Karsh laughed coarsely. 

   "R-right," Leena agreed with a ghost of a laugh. "So…Serge. Have you ever noticed the…uh…the ocean?"

   "Uh, yeah. Once or twice," Serge replied. "What about it?"

   "Well, it's…it's sure…big."  
   "Yeah," Serge agreed. "And wet."

   "This is what ya talk about with yer girl?" Kid asked, a sweatdrop suspended in mid-air beside her head. "Maybe I've been worryin' about nothin'."

   "Hey, I'd be a lot more eloquent normally, but I'm kind of put off by the audience," Leena said defensively.

   "Fair enough," Kid shrugged. "Just ask him yer questions and let's get on with it."

Leena blinked. 

   "Questions?" Then a light seemed to break over her expression. "Oh! Right! The questions!"

She withdrew a pile of cue cards from her apron pocket.

   "First question! Serge, do you remember when we used to come sit here and talk like this? I'm thinking of one day specifically…"

   "Hey, of course I remember! How could I forget?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively at her.

The sound of gritting teeth, both from Kid and Harle, filled the air.

   "Not that day!" Leena exclaimed, blushing. "I meant the one when we were eight! When we made that promise!"

A puzzled frown wrinkled Serge's brow.

   "To never trade underwear again?" 

   "No! The _other_ promise!"

Serge pondered this for a time. Then…

   "Oh! _That_ promise! Of course I remember that!"

   "Ask him what the promise was," Norris suggested from somewhere in the crowd.

Leena wheeled furiously in his direction.

   "You be quiet! Okay! Second question, Serge. What do you think we'll make of this day years from now?"

Serge put a hand to his chin and looked thoughtful.

   "What are my options?" he finally asked slowly.

Leena studied her cue card.

   "You can say: "We'll always remember this day", or you can say, "We'll forget it eventually"."

Serge laughed.

   "Well, this day's been too damn weird to forget, so I'd have to go with "We'll always remember this day"." 

Leena giggled.

   "Yeah, it has been a little weird. Okay! My third question!"

Serge blinked. 

   "Didn't you only have two?"

   "Well, I did, but we stuck in a third one. You know, the fairytale three and all."

   "Oh. Okay, go ahead."

   "Okay; if you were a household appliance, which one would you be?"

   "What?!" Serge exclaimed in disbelief. In this, he was not alone.

Leena pouted.

   "Well, I kind of made it up on the way here. And it was either that, or "boxers or briefs", and quite frankly, I already know _that_."

   "Leena!" a bright red Serge exclaimed. "Fine. If I were a household appliance, I'd be a…a…a spatula." 

   "Fair enough," Leena shrugged. "And why?"

Now it was Serge's turn to shrug.

   "I don't know; it's just always seemed like spatulas have more fun."

   "Okay," Leena giggled. "I guess that'll do."

Serge grinned.

   "Cool! Do I win something?"

   "Yeah," Kid broke in. "That."

Serge glanced in the direction that the blonde was pointing, and froze in horror at the sight of a gigantic wave, apparently arising from nowhere, to engulf him. At this moment, there was only one thing to say. Only one thing to think.

   "Oh, crap…"


	4. There Can Be Only One!

Chapter 4 – There Can Be Only One

--------------------------------------------   

   "Ooh…" Serge groaned painfully, swatting at whatever that annoying thing was that seemed to be poking him repeatedly between the eyes.

   "Hey! Hey! Hey-hey! Hey!" 

The young man opened one eye slightly. Then he opened it a little more. Finally, he opened it the rest of the way.

 In the meantime, the early afternoon had become late afternoon, and the random unassuming passer-by who had previously been poking Serge with a stick, and his pet Komodo Dragon were beginning to get a little impatient.

   "You shouldn't be sleeping here, you know," the man told him seriously. "This is government protected land, and sleeping here might scare off the wildlife. I mean, you could have killed four species of insects and eighteen different plants, just by lying there, breathing!"  
   "Well, sorry," Serge huffed. "I could stop breathing, if you'd like. Oh, wait, no I couldn't."

   "Anyway, who are you?"

   "I'm…hold on. Where's everyone else?"

The man frowned. 

   "Can you describe this 'everyone else'?"

   "Yeah; it's about thirty-seven really weird, mismatched people."

   "Sorry," the man said apologetically. "You were the only one here when I happened past."

   "I don't know whether to be really worried, or overjoyed," Serge said solemnly. Then he turned back to the man. "Well, what about Leena? Where did she go?"

   "Leena's on the dock, babysitting. All the poor kid ever does. Someone needs to show her a good time. I'd do it, but-"

   "But I'd punch you, for one thing," Serge growled, balling up his fist.

The man raised an eyebrow. 

   "So, does Leena know she has this possessive boyfriend?"

   "Unless her memory's really short, she does," Serge replied tersely, crossing his arms and eyeing the man suspiciously.

   "Well, that's…uh…nice," the man said politely. "Why not go see her and find out for yourself how her memory is?"

   "Alright, I think I will, then," Serge said, lifting his head slightly.

------------------------------------------------

   "Who are you?" the young redheaded girl asked, frowning. 

Serge waved his arms, gibbering incoherently. 

   "It's me! Your boyfriend?"

Leena laughed, ducking her head and blushing slightly. 

   "Oh, come on! That's the cheapest pickup line I've ever heard! I don't have a boyfriend, and I'm not going to start now."

   "Is this about last week, Leena? Because I'm really sorry about that. I don't know what got into me! But I haven't tried anything since! Doesn't that count for something?"

   "Well, it might count for more if I knew what you were talking about. I mean, you do seem kind of familiar, but not that familiar."

   "Ah-hah! Why do I seem familiar?"

   "Well, I don't know," Leena replied, looking down shyly. "You kind of remind me of the little boy who used to live next door to me. Mostly because I don't see too many really pretty guys with blue hair."

   "Uh…what do you mean, "lived" next door to you?" Serge asked, a suspicious sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He was fairly certain he wasn't going to like this answer…

   "Well…he…he died," Leena finally said.

Serge blinked.

   "Uh…"

   "His name was Serge," she continued.

Serge blinked again.

   "But…I'm Serge!"

Leena's expression went from solemn to startled. Before it could morph into furious, though, both wheeled about at the sound of a gasp behind them.

   "G-g-g-ghost!" the old fisherman perched on the edge of the dock stuttered, terrified, before leaping into the water and swimming away, apparently neglecting to notice the boat parked directly next to the dock.

   "Uh…that was weird," Serge noted.

Leena glared at him, finally completing the transition.

   "Better weird than cruel! What a horrible joke to try to play, saying you're Serge!"

   "I am who I am. Who else could I be?" Serge shrugged, feeling uncomfortably that such a statement wasn't exactly original. And why was that snazzy pop music running through his head?

   "No! You're not! You're really, really not! He was drowned when he was a little boy. His grave is on Cape Howl. Go see for yourself.

   "Fine, then. I will," Serge said petulantly.

He had just wheeled about and prepared to storm away when the sight in front of him made him stop short.

Karsh and Kid were approaching from the other end of the dock, which might have been normal enough considering the present circumstance. However, just as he began to run to them and explain in alarm that something was wrong with Leena, who seemed to have lost her memory, a third person stepped out from behind Karsh.

   "Uh…Leena?" Serge said hesitantly.

   "Yes?" she replied quizzically.

Serge blinked.

   "But…weren't you just…"

He turned around. Sure enough, Leena was still behind him. But then, when he turned back, there she was in front of him!

   "Oh, I see what's got him all funny," Kid said grimly. "C'mon! Let's get outta here before someone sees us!"

   "Okay; so, there are _three_ Leenas now?" Serge puzzled to himself as he was dragged away. "Her birthday's going to be expensive _this_ year!"

------------------------------------------------

Ten minutes later, Serge, Kid, Karsh, and Leena had rejoined the rest of the group, who had, upon waking up on a beach, quickly left the area in order to let Serge do whatever he had to do to unlock those "plot point" things, as Kid continued to call them, much to the confusion of the party. The massive group were gathered near a clump of rocks large enough for a person to sit on, had they been so inclined. Of course, in such a large group, it only stood to reason that at least a few people would be so inclined, and thus the rocks were getting rather crowded with Nikki, Miki, and an unfortunate Orcha, who had Draggy curled up in her lap, occupying one, Fargo, Doc, Luccia, and Janice occupying a second, and Glenn, Leena, and Korcha on the third. Kid was pacing up and down, muttering furiously to herself.

   "…Should've bloody well expected this," the group thought they heard as she swept past. "What in the bloody hell're we s'posed ta do now?"

   "Uh, Kid?" Serge called tentatively. "Is there a problem?"

Thirty-six people and various other creatures winced in sympathy for the horrible fate that was going to befall Serge very, very soon, if Kid's murderous expression as she stopped still and turned to him, was any indication.

   "Naw, not at all," she replied far too sweetly. "What'd be wrong? The fact that we've got two Leenas from THE SAME UNIVERSE ta worry about? The fact that we're gonna have two of at least HALF of us ta worry about by the time the game's over?

   "Y-yeah, I guess that's kinda bad," Serge agreed thoughtfully.

Kid gritted her teeth.

   "Of course it's bad!" she shouted. "We don't know what this sorta thing could do! We might hafta kill one of the Leenas ta keep the universe from collapsing in on itself!"

   "And vy vould it do a thing like that?" Luccia asked.

   "Oi, I don't know the specifics," Kid explained with a chilling dignity. "Sue me."

   "Vell, if you like, I vill sue you, although I do not understand vy."

   "Oh, never mind! Serge, ya got any idea where we're goin' next?"

   "Well, Leena – the third Leena – said I should go to Cape Howl to visit my own grave, or something."

   "Heh-heh-heh…looks like Leena 3 doesn't trust yer fightin' ability too much," Kid snickered.

   "That's not what she meant!"

   "It's what I'd have meant if _I'd_ said it," the blonde grinned.

   "Yeah, well, maybe you're just mean!" Serge shot back angrily.

   "Better mean than childish and petty," Norris said pointedly.

   "Yeah, I guess that's true," Serge agreed thoughtfully, missing the point entirely. "So, up to Cape Howl?"

---------------------------------------

   "I have to be honest, Kid," Leena said as the group made their way through the creatures inhabiting Cape Howl fifteen minutes later. "I don't know how much I approve of this "we might have to kill one of the Leenas to keep the universe from collapsing in on itself" business."

   "Oi, Leena, don't worry. It probably won't even come up. Provided you remember a few things about me 'n Serge," she added under her breath. "But anyway, ain't that a noble death? Givin' yer life fer the good of the party! You oughta be grateful fer the opportunity!"

   "I'd like to see _you_ be grateful," Leena said a little resentfully. 

   "Well, we may get to see Karsh be grateful," Orlha broke in with a bemused smile, pointing to the top of the path, where Serge was being cornered by a very familiar someone. Specifically, the very familiar someone that was also standing next to Fargo, Zappa, and Orcha at that moment. "Look."

   "Hey, don't look at me like that! I don't wanna be noble!" Karsh exclaimed, backing away from Kid, despite the fact that she wasn't actually "looking at him like that", or like anything else. Then he sighed resignedly. "Well, I guess it's either him or me."

   "Where are you going?" Orlha asked wearily as he set off up the path.

   "I'm goin' to kick my ass! What's it look like?" Karsh growled with a fierce glare at the other Karsh. 

   "Well, I suppose we had to do that joke at least once," Norris murmured, wincing as several pained shouts and several more profanities from one Karsh or the other drifted towards the group. "We ought to be grateful that this is the first time."

   "This is going to end badly, isn't it?" Glenn sighed.

   "Yup," Kid replied, nodding grimly. "Guess someone shoulda told 'im we didn't have to kill one of 'im."

   "We didn't?!" Leena asked, surprised. "Then what was all that talk about earlier?"

   "Just havin' fun with ya," Kid replied with a mischievous smile. "You'll fall fer anything, Leena."

   "Kid!" Leena would have exclaimed reproachfully, had a new voice – yet, at the same time, a very familiar new voice – not chosen that moment to make its declaration of independence.

   "Hold yer seahorses!" it called.

   "Seahorses?" Glenn repeated, looking up from the sword that he was again admiring, as he would continue to do every time the plot found itself in a lull. "Where have we heard that before."

   "I don't bloody well believe it," Kid muttered, staring up at the newcomer in shock. 

   "Back off, 'r I'll kick yer sorry arses so far, you'll kiss the moons!" said newcomer growled menacingly at the Karshes, engaged in a death grapple, as well as a startled Solt and Peppor. 

   "Uh…guess you've got everything handled here, mate," the Kid at the top of the path said hesitantly to Serge. "So…you wanna get outta here and go fer ice cream? Or…y'know, we could find a place fer the night…"

   "Right, that's it," the Kid at the bottom of the path said through gritted teeth before a very bewildered Serge could answer.

   "Where are _you_ going now?" Orlha asked, lifting one eyebrow.

   "Who cares if we don't hafta get rid of one?" Kid replied, pretending to roll up her sleeves. "Better safe than sorry, right?"

   "You can say that again!" Karsh called jubilantly from the top of the path where he stood, victorious, over the unexpected interloper of his name and appearance. 

Solt and Peppor watched in shock and horror as the body of their commander gave one final twitch and stopped moving, and then vanished in a show of highly important symbolism. Or something else entirely.

   "You killed the other Karsh," Radius noted more casually than one might have thought appropriate. "I suppose you know that this means that you'll have to take his place until the events have played themselves out."

   "Uh…" Karsh began rather lamely.

   "Alright, missy, I'm only gonna say this once," Kid said slowly and calmly to her own duplicate as she gained the top of the hill. "There's only room fer one of us in this crazy mess."

   "That means one of us's gotta go, right?" the other Kid asked with a smirk.

   "Y'read my mind," the first Kid replied.

   "'Course I did. It's my mind, too."

   "WouldCHA cut the witty dialogue and get to the chick fight?" Korcha called in an act of ultimate stupidity. "Ow," he concluded following an attack by approximately twelve angry females, during which daggers, fists, frying pans, shots, and every other manner of weapon had become lodged in all available parts of the infinitely unfortunate and ill-used boy. 

   "Where were we?" the first Kid asked briskly as they returned to their position at the top of the path.

   "We were gonna settle this the violent way," the other Kid replied, drawing her daggers back out again.

   "Guys!" Doc called pleadingly, running toward them. "Why can't we all just be friends?"

   "We can be friends if she agrees to step aside and find a different life!" the first Kid shot back.

   "Forget it," the other Kid said flatly. "Why don't you step aside?"

   "No deal!"

   "So, let's fight!"

   "Wait!" Doc called desperately, just as the daggers began to clash. "What's so wrong with having two of you around? I mean, you're both unique and vital individuals! I'm sure you'll both find yourselves a place in the world! And if we change the course of what's going to happen, what does it matter? If it hasn't happened yet, there's no one to say we can't change it, right?"

Both Kids thought. In a way, the good groovy doctor's words made sense. Stealing slightly ashamed glances at each other, both started to sheathe their daggers and turn away…

…Until, in unison, both whipped them back out again and launched themselves at the other with a cry of "SUCKER!"

Doc sighed mournfully. Orlha made her way up the path to drag him back to safety and console him, assuring him that he had done all he could to preserve the peace. Karsh continued his attempt to explain to a sobbing Solt and Peppor that the Karsh he had killed had been in impostor, and it had been imperative that the wretch died.

Everyone else scratched their heads, or reasonable facsimiles thereof, in confusion.

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Twenty seconds later, Kid – the first one – looked smugly down at the unmoving and quickly vanishing corpse of Kid – the other one. 

   "Guess that solves that," she said with a tone of finality.

   "Hey, what the heck?!" Serge exclaimed. "Weren't you two supposed to be exact copies? How did you beat her so easily?"

Kid grinned triumphantly. 

   "Let's hear it fer maxed out stats!"

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End Notes: Bwah! This was…interesting. So, I'm not totally sure on this; is everyone having to kill off the equivalent of them in the storyline so they don't get left out in the cold a good gag? 'Cause I like it, and it neatly solves the problem of what the heck to do with these extras. However, it is very late at the moment, and thus it might be a gag so far beyond stupid that it defies all logic. Let me know, okay? Thanks! ^_^


	5. The Wrath of a Shrine Maiden Babysitting

Chapter 5 – The Wrath of a Shrine Maiden Scorned

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   "Hey, how did we get back here?" Serge demanded the next morning as he woke up in his own, comfortably familiar bed.

Well, perhaps not quite…

   "Serge, you'd better get up quickly," a Leena said nervously as she burst into the room. Then, catching sight of the boy's state of semi-dress, she averted her eyes delicately. "Why did you decide to sleep half-naked right now?"

   "Y'know, I'm not sure," Serge replied thoughtfully, dragging his rather wrinkled shirt over his head. "I don't remember taking anything off before I went to sleep."

   "Well, I'd say Kid might have something to do with it, but she's not here," Leena said thoughtfully, turning once Serge had indicated that it was safe to do so.

At this, the blue-haired youth sat up a little straighter.

   "What? Where did she go?" he asked.

Leena giggled.

   "Worried, are we? I guess she called that one pretty well!"

   "Leena! I was just afraid that she'd gotten hurt. I'd worry the same about any of you freaky people I just met yesterday. And anyway, remember that I've got a nice girlfriend back at home!" Serge protested. "And another copy of the same girlfriend right in front of me," he finished, shaking his head in bemusement. "Speaking of that, which Leena are you? The one who showed up in my room yesterday, or the one we found on the pier, claiming she'd never met me?"

   "Oh, I'm the one from your room," she assured him easily. "Lynx thought that another one of me in this universe – from this universe – might screw something up, so he took out the other one."

Serge bolted from his bed.

   "What?! He killed her?!"

   "No; he took her out to the restaurant and bribed her to go away for a while. We're paying her fare to a big city somewhere that our journeys won't take us. She's going to spend some time doing some soul-searching. Maybe she'll find a nice boy!"

   "Uh, yeah. Maybe," Serge echoed. "So, you're our official Leena now?"

   "Yup! And Karsh is our official Karsh – he went with those two slightly dim soldiers the other Karsh showed up with – and Kid's our official Kid. That's why she went to Termina. If she had stayed, I couldn't have come with you any further, and we're going to meet up with her again later anyway, so we decided that it was best for her to go off alone now. And just between you and me, I think it was better to get her away from Lynx before she killed him. I don't know what the heck is between those two, but somehow I get the feeling I'll find out."

   "Yeah, I get that feeling, too," Serge agreed grimly.

   "Anyway, as I was saying, you'd better hurry up and get your things together. The stranger whose house we're in isn't too happy."

   "Stranger?!" Serge echoed. "This is my house!"

Leena peered cautiously out the door, and then ducked quickly back inside.

   "Tell that to the man waiting outside with a shotgun." 

---------------------------------------------

Ten minutes, a daring leap from a window, and several near disasters involving an angry man and a shotgun later, Serge and Leena trudged over to the very large campsite that the rest of the group had set up for the night, just outside of the village. Poshul accompanied the two, but having joined them after they had managed to shake the man with the gun, she bounded exuberantly, full of the joy of being alive, rather than trudging wearily, inwardly lifting hands imploringly to the upper regions of the sky and demanding in a voice ringing with all the agony of the ages,

   "WHY ME?!!!!"

As the two dusty, weary teenagers collapsed by the bonfire, by now nothing but glowing embers and curling smoke, Macha halted in the act of packing up the remains of breakfast, alarmed.

   "WouldCHA tell me what happened to you two?"

   "Don't ask," Serge implored. "This day just began, and I already can't wait for it to end."

   "You know, I don't remember him being such a whiner," Lynx muttered aside to Harle, who seemed torn between loyalty to the boy, and the bitter truth.

   "So, where do we go now?" General Viper asked briskly.

   "Um…" Serge began lamely.

   "We're going to Termina," Leena replied calmly.

   "We are?" General Viper asked, turning to Serge with one eyebrow raised bemusedly.

Serge turned to Leena, similarly bemused.

   "We are?"

   "Of course! I told you, didn't I? I have some errands to run, and while we're there, we're going to…um…well, I don't quite know. But I'm sure something will come up."

   "At least we have a plan," Radius chuckled, eyes twinkling. 

   "Why don't you tell us what we should do, then?" Leena suggested, rather miffed.

Radius merely chuckled again.

   "No, Leena, I think you're right. Something should come up on its own."

   "WhatCHA talkin' about?" Korcha demanded. "We're just supposed to wander around Termina until 'something happens'?"

   "Yes, that would about cover it," Radius replied with a thoughtful nod.

   "Okay," Serge said slowly. "All of us? Because that might draw attention…"

   "No, Serge, you'll take two others with you, and the rest of us will wait nearby," Radius replied.

   "Sure," Serge huffed. "You get to relax, while we have to work."

   "If you'd like, Serge," General Viper spoke up, "someone else can take your place, and you can stay with the rest of the group."

Serge's eyes roved over the multitude of strange people. He recalled the fun they had all had together hunting Komodo dragons. He recalled the day they had all met…which only made sense, as it had been yesterday. He recalled all the happy times, although the two mentioned were the only incidents worth mentioning, and neither was particularly happy to the boy's mind. Finally…

   "To Termina!"

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   "You know, Serge, I think you were really mean to everyone this morning," Leena said seriously as she and Mojo followed the shock of blue hair through the mellow summer morning.

  "Yeah, I know," Serge sighed. "I guess yesterday just started off really weird, and I haven't recovered yet."

   "Yeah," Leena agreed sympathetically. Mojo cart wheeled around the path less sympathetically. "I remember how edgy I was the last time forty strangers invaded my room while I was sleeping."

   "Rrr!" Serge rrr'ed, drawing his oar and glaring daggers (which he had stolen from the vanquished Kid the previous night, the victorious Kid having shrugged and said that she guessed he could have them if he wanted to) at anyone whose eyes lingered for a longer moment than necessary on the redhead at his side.

   "You know," she said thoughtfully, "I'm pretty sure you're supposed to be in love with Kid by this point."

   "How fickle do you think I am, Leena?" Serge demanded, hurt. "It's only been, like, two days!"

   "Ah, but you remember, I've never known you as anything but some delusional guy who claimed to be my dead childhood friend, and then Kid's man. If you want to be protective of someone, be protective of your _girlfriend_!"

   "I just said, Kid's not my girlfriend! I'm not letting it become a self-fulfilling prophecy just because everyone tells me I'm going to end up with her! I won't be controlled like that! I have a mind of my own, and a heart of my own, and a—"

   "A dramatic streak a mile wide," Leena murmured, pressing a hand to her forehead. "Look, I didn't mean Kid. I meant the me from your own world."

   "Oh, right!" he laughed sheepishly. Then he frowned at her suspiciously. "Hey, hold on! And just why have I gotta stay away from you?"

Leena rolled her eyes. Mojo rolled in the grass at the side of the path.

   "You mean, aside from the fact that I don't want me to be angry with me? Or something like that…"

Serge's expression turned crafty.

   "I don't think that's it. You've got someone you're secretly seeing, haven't you?"

Leena looked away, blushing slightly.

   "Well, it's not exactly a secret…"

Serge stared at Leena as something different in her appearance caught his attention at last.

   "Hey, what's that in your hair? Is it—it is! It's a bellflower! Now, who would have given you a bellflower, I wonder?" he mused, hiding a grin.

   "It could be any number-um of people-um," Mojo laughed, leaping in front of Serge and Leena so suddenly and unexpectedly that both leapt a foot in the air with simultaneous startled exclamations.

   "He's right," Serge said mock-seriously once he had recovered. "It could be…well, maybe it couldn't. Unless you're getting friendly with Lady Riddel, it pretty much has to be…Glenn! Hey, way to go, Glenn! We've got matching Leenas!"

Leena fixed Serge with a cold glare.

   "Please don't refer to me and…well, and me as if we're some pretty accessories."

   "Okay, fine," Serge said, hands up in a placating gesture. "It was just a joke."

   "Well, if you've had enough 'joking'," Leena began airily, crossing her arms and turning away, "we've just reached Fossil Valley. Are we going to go in or would you like to stay outside and have some more 'fun'?"

   "I guess we should probably go inside," Serge said seriously before approaching the start of the valley.

   "You don't know aggravation," Leena said through gritted teeth, "until you've travelled with someone with _no_ concept of sarcasm."

Mojo rocked back and forth on one foot, having long ago lost interest in the conversation. Perhaps it was he who had the most to deal with on this trip…

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Meanwhile, somewhere else entirely, so entirely somewhere else that it was in a parallel universe, Steena was annoyed. Very annoyed. So exceedingly annoyed that people had begun to cross the street to avoid getting in her way due to the nearly palpable waves of annoyance rising from her.

It wasn't merely that, after consuming at least fifty gold pieces worth of ice cream, Guile had left her with the bill and a bunch of children who didn't carry money while he "went to freshen up", although this had been bad enough, considering the drain it had been on her savings of two-hundred and fifty. As a shrine maiden, she didn't consider large quantities of money to be a necessity, and only carried enough at any given time to cover emergencies.

Ice cream, she quite decidedly felt, was not an emergency.

Still, this was not what had caused a faint steam of anger to curl up from her ears.

Nor was it the fact that, after they had left the little Termina ice cream shop, the children had proceeded to scatter every which way. After all, they were children, and children had a tendency to do this.

Nor was it even that a dour old man seated on a bench outside the shop where he could easily see and criticize everyone that happened past, had told her with a scowl that she ought to keep better control of her children.

As if it wasn't clear to anyone who might look at her that she was a shrine maiden, and thus child-free and likely to be for a good long time.

Not to mention that she was far too young to be the mother of a fourteen-year old boy.

What had annoyed the disgruntled sword-swingin' shrine maiden was the fact that, when she had turned to the place that Guile had been previously occupying, set on venting her annoyance at old men that had nothing better to do than tell other people how to raise children that weren't even theirs, and then perhaps even getting started rounding up the scattered crew, she had found him quite unmistakably gone.

Thus, she had been forced to go through the pain, aggravation, and stress that inherent in the task of gathering together four children of varying ages, as well as one drunkish old man with a speech impediment who had wandered in and introduced himself as Sneff, apparently forgetting that they had met before, alone.

   "But just as soon as I find him," Steena vowed darkly, "I'll show him that the white magic of an angry woman can be just as scary as black magic anytime."

And somewhere, somehow, Guile shuddered in horror at something that he could barely define, as though sensing his doom from far off.

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End Notes: I feel that I really must apologize for how Leena-centric this is becoming. I absolutely adore Leena; she's my favourite, along with Luccia, Fargo, Glenn, Steena, and Guile. Anyway, she won't be this much in the spotlight for much longer. The way I see it, Leena is one of the few people Serge actually knows to this point, so he wants to keep her around. That, and the party is trying to only use the people they've encountered up until this point. As soon as they run into some more people, the air time of the rest of the characters will increase.

So, yeah. As much as it may hurt, I promise I'll use Leena less next chapter.


End file.
